2017's

As the curtain envelopes the stage,
2017 is reaching its last page,
couldn't feel the excitement like before,
nor the urge to look out the window.

2017,
What a year...


Too weak..
Too numb...
Too demotivated....

Thank you for visiting my blog.
Have a great year ahead.



BGM:

If I Die Young

The Band Perry

If I die young bury me in satin
Lay me down on a bed of roses
Sink me in the river at dawn
Send me away with the words of a love song
Uh oh uh oh

Lord make me a rainbow, I'll shine down on my mother
She'll know I'm safe with you when
She stands under my colours, oh and
Life ain't always what you think it oughta be, no
Ain't even grey, but she buries her baby
The sharp knife of a short life,
Well, I've had just enough time

If I die young bury me in satin.
Lay me down on a bed of roses
Sink me in the river at dawn
Send me away with the words of a love song

The sharp knife of a short life,
Well I've had just enough time

And I'll be wearing white when I come into your kingdom
I'm as green as the ring on my little cold finger
I've never known the lovin' of a man
But it sure felt nice when he was holding my hand
There's a boy here in town says he'll love me forever
Who would have thought forever could be severed by

The sharp knife of a short life,
Well I've had just enough time

So put on your best boys and I'll wear my pearls
What I never did is done

A penny for my thoughts, oh no I'll sell them for a dollar
They're worth so much more after I'm a goner
And maybe then you'll hear the words I been singin'
Funny when you're dead how people start listenin'

If I die young bury me in satin
Lay me down on a bed of roses
Sink me in the river at dawn
Send me away with the words of a love song
Uh oh (uh oh)

The ballad of a dove
Go with peace and love
Gather up your tears, keep 'em in your pocket
Save 'em for a time when your really gonna need 'em oh

The sharp knife of a short life,
Well I've had just enough time
So put on your best boys, and I'll wear my pearls

Jealous

2017

Rage comic

Forever Dreamland

Perfect life will never exist,
no matter how much you strive or persist.
actions are null, words are passing winds,
I'm sick of living, deciphering hints.

I lay my head, eyes shut tight,
sealed room, no sight of sunlight.
my heart beats fast, my veins are pumping,
reminiscing the words i avoided using.

Soon i'll be drifted away, in a world I created,
reoccuring incidents where i've once regretted.
all is well, felt more real than reality,
beginning to refuse to wake in agony.

Escaping the cruel world, the unforgiving soul,
those infuriating people, manipulating whole,
how i wish i can stay here forever,
eyes shut tight and waking up,never...

A note to you.

Don't teach me to live without you.
Don't teach me to not give a fuck about you.
Don't teach me "privacy".
when that day comes,
i will know that i don't even need you.

Arcade: Candy Machine JACKPOT!

Latest addiction:

Silly

Surrounded by wide yonder's green,

silence, serene and beautiful scene.

Gardens of flowers as far as eyes can see,

plucking stalks of flowers under the tree.

Yes,No,Yes,No,Yes,No...Yes,

petals of flowers made a mess.

Is she cheating or is she not?

I'll finish the bouquet in the pot.

Sitting alone, felt like a fool,

letting myself being used like a tool.

Time will tick and pain will go,

I will give us another go.

*Plucking flowers*

On my own~

What makes us?

Judgemental eyes,
Society-driven thoughts,
Tainted hearts,
Impaling words,
Scarring actions,
Ill-meaning agitations.

What makes us?

Chameleon masks,
Adaptive nature,
Fake goals,
Selective hearing,
Mutative memories,
Vain-driven motivation.

What makes us?

Eye candy,
Materialistic satisfaction,
Possessiveness,
Fogless future,
Achievable benchmarks,
Win against money-slavery.

What makes us?

Internal progression,
Walking tall, fist in the air;
Chest out, bulletproof;
Trust in none, hurt no more,
On my own.

Is what makes me.

Present of the future past

Have you ever gave yourself a deep thought about something?

If you are given a chance to go back in time,

To right one wrong,

to speak then, or to forever hold your peace?

What will it be?

Is it when you first said " I love you"?

Or the time when you were broken after?

The time when you finally ignored a cry for attention,

or the moment you actually opened up to them before?

That few meet ups of smiles and giggles that they put on your face,
or when they finally make your tears flow like it worths nothing?

The decision that keeps you both a stranger,
or the time when you decide to make him a stranger, once more?

Present of the future past,
you can right one wrong before it passes... Done.

Recovery

It has been a while since i updated my blog. Well, about me to be exact.

Lots of things happened since 2014. Sun rose and set, tides risen and ebbed, flowers bloomed and rot ...it is already end of March 2015.


My Work: 

Work..work..work.. 
Devours our life source from day to day,

To the last syllable of recorded time;
And of our yesterdays born innate fools
The way to ignorant idiocracy. Out, out, paleolithic mentality!
Life's but a string puppet, a poor player,
That struts and frets his hour upon the corporate stage,
And then is heard no more. It is a tale
Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,Signifying nothing.

My relationship:
Two roads diverged in a passionate boulevard,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one hopeless romantic, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it was groomed and mannerly arranged;
Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was audacious and wanted wear;
Though uncertainty awaits all along the way,
Nor the journey whatnot the destination far or near,
And both that divergence equally lay
In love, my step had trodden black.
Oh, I left the first for another man!
knowing that how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever regret.
I shall be telling this with a delight,
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a boulevard, and I-
I took the one less traveled by,And that has made all the difference






Dear you,Please bear with me.I had a colourful past.bitter and cold, betrayed and fooled, nevertheless colourful.Haha...colourful... remember how our lips looks like we're saying "i love you" when pronouncing it?
Esther Francis Swee,I love you.Fullstop. 

Twisted confession

Falling in love, helplessly descending,

Wondering how deep is this hole, continuously falling.

Endless pit, so vacant and so hollow,

How deep do you plan for me to love you?

Never ceased to gain my slightest attention,

Juggling words and strumming emotion.

Drowning me with all your love and affection.

I am only human to be seduced by such ungodly temptation.

Never had I been approached by such,

Filled with lust and alluring touch.

Nothing gentle, tender or any of its kind,

But this is the type of love I seek to find.

The twisted endearment disguised off this gentleman,

Curiosity attracted me to this mysterious sentiment.

Never a dull second or a monotonous moment,

Take me now and make me feel like a woman.

The old hut

There was an old cosy hut,
Sturdy, homey but with notable cut.
Warm, safe and full of love,
A shelter from sun, from rain above.

Dear mister hut, please stay, please stay,
I have to be somewhere, far away.
Let me go through my shedless days,
in my lego houses or foreign chalets.

Fireplace, foods and accommodation,
Satisfy me my needs at this very moment.
But deep down inside my memory pane,
That hut still hugged my comfort, my sane.

Let me be protected being distance apart,
Please stay vacant, my lovely hut.
Though you are untitled, by anonymous builder,
I am with right now, but you are my forever.

That cosy hut where I felt warm and loved,
Still empty, no caretaker, remained untouched.
Dear mister hut, please stay, please stay,
I promise to return, but.. not now,not today.

"Manusia"

Aku.
Aku hanyalah seorang manusia.
Tak ku kenal sakit selagi tak kecundang,
Tak ku kenal bahagia selagi tak kehilangan.

Betapa "manusia"nya kita,
Dikitab, disebarkan, diciptanya "agama",
Semata-mata untuk "mengampun" dosa kita.
Dalam mengejar kerakusan, nafsu dan nikmat duniawi.

Semakin ditegah, semakinku megah,
Dikunci langkah, semakinku sergah.
Apakah tujuan, apakah haluan,
Dalam permainan yang tiada pemenangnya.

Silap, salah, dosa dan moraliti,
Hanyalah pandangan dan perhitungan dari komuniti,
Kau katakan ku salah, adakah benar?
Ku tepis kenyataanmu, apakah yang benar?
Siapakah atau apakah yang memberi kata putus?
Sebegitu "manusia"lah diri kita....
"DiTuhankan manusia, dimanusiakan Tuhan".


Coretan si burung hantu.
updated via Z30:

"Happy Father's Day"

I've always demanded for the best or new,

yet, I've never really actually thanked you.

Only after I've grown up and mature,

I start to understand you, a whole lot more.

How did you make things looked so easy,

with a cool expression and smiled cheerfully.

"Go ahead", you've always gently said,

Supportive with every big decisions I made.

 You swiftly turned away when your eyes turned red,

how deep was the passion that you must have had.

How I wish to hold your warm palms like before,

But you do not possess those kind of strength anymore.

I appreciate your company by my side,

your advice, your experience and all your guides.

Dear time, I beg you, please move slower,

then it won't make him grow any older.

I'd trade my youth, anything for my dear father,

I'd do everything, for you to stay much much longer.

Stay strong, Daddy, tell me what can I do for you,

It is time for you to rest and let the burdens go.

How I wish to hold your warm palms like before,

But you do not possess those kind of strength anymore.

Thank you for your sacrifice, pillar of our family,

And all the things you've always given me.

Am I still the child of your pride and glory?

Am I still the son, you've never lose faith or worry?

I'm no longer the boy you carry on your back,

I no longer need you to pack my bag.

I've grown up, Daddy, take a look at me,

It's time to give me, the burdens you carry.

I'd trade my youth, anything for my dear father,

I'd do everything, for you to stay much much longer.

Do I still, make you feel proud?

Am I still, the one you brag about?

I've always demanded for the best or new,

yet, I've never really actually thanked you.

P/S: Preferably be read with the song as BGM.

Thank you Daddy,

I love you.

=')

"K.A.M.U."

Andai kata ku tak sempat melihat mentari pagi,

andai kata ku tiada lagi,

janganlah dikau menitis air mata,

sesungguhnya air matamu terlalu berharga.

Tiada kehilangan akan dikau rasa,

kerna memang sudah terlalu lama,

tiada lagi kita berhubung khabar,

tiada lagi kita bermain kata.

Jauh jarak membezakan kita,

jauh juga kau tinggalkan cinta,

api mu malap ditelan masa,

tetapi api ku kekal dan terus membara.

Inilah cinta seorang pelayar,

penuh cabaran dan rintangan menduga,

kesetiaan hati pada yang satu,

walaupun sukar dan jarang bertemu.

Harta, wang dan mainan duniawi,

takkan mengubati hati yang sunyi,

bila ku mula lafazkan cinta,

bermakna dikau terlalu istimewa.

Walaupun tidak bertentang mata,

masihku tatap gambar-gambar lama,

ku baca semula ayat-ayat mesra kita,

bertakung semula air mata.......

Andai kata ku tak sempat melihat mentari pagi,

andai kata ku tiada lagi,

janganlah sesali pengakhiran sebegini,

senyumlah kerna sempat saling mengenali.

Ps:// Preferably be read with the song as BGM. 

Najwa Latif - I Love You

"Tale Of An Untold Eternal Love"

It was indeed a magical night,
chills, whispers and flashes of lights.
A short chapter is about to start,
a story that involves two pure innocent heart~



An old man tore off his old attire,
hitting rocks for sparks, which ignites into fire,
thus was born a fiery soul,
burning everything, burning all.



As the fire, warmth the cold unforgiving night,
the old man started to blank his sight.
Suddenly appears a vague figure,
a humanoid boy, the soul of the fire. 



He burns anything that he lays upon,
beautiful rare flowers are also gone,
he destroys everything unintendedly,
there he sat, feeling so lonely.

A gust of wind blows somewhere near,
a leaf flew gracefully in the air.
It landed peacefully upon a pond,
making a soft, calm watery tone.



The leaf made loops of endless wakes,
the peaceful silence it suddenly breaks.
Droplets of water flew into the air,
making up a figure with long wavy hair~

She slides and strides and dances away,
no words can describe her beautiful play..
Like an Angel,which was made out of water,
born so gorgeous at this ungodly hour.



The bright sight attracted her attention,
she started approaching towards his direction.
As, their eyes eventually met,
what is this feeling that they suddenly felt?



She stretched her hand, for a polite handshake,
He reached it and suddenly, out comes a shriek!
Steams and smokes mixed in the air,
they felt the pain but they do not seemed to care.

It was indeed a magical night,

chills, whispers and flashes of lights,

Little do they know, how things will go,

playfully enjoying, letting the bond grow ~

 
Darkness dispersing,owh how time flies,
only then they realized they both shrunk in size,
 Immediately, they stepped away from each other,
wanting to appreciate the moment a little longer.



As they both were souled by a mysterious power,
they now know that, it is just a matter of hour.
Their hands met again to peel away the agony,
into the thin air, their love led their destiny.

Such, is their short love story,
never told nor heard by many.
They shall reborn for they both conquered death,
maybe in other forms of creatures or human on earth.

Ps:// Preferably be read with the song as BGM.

Cascada - Everytime We Touch

"Waiting For My Real Life To Begin"

"Waiting For My Real Life To Begin"

Any minute now, my ship is coming in
I'll keep checking the horizon
I'll stand on the bow, feel the waves come crashing
Come crashing down down down, on me

And you say, be still my love
Open up your heart
Let the light shine in
But don't you understand
I already have a plan
I'm waiting for my real life to begin

When I awoke today, suddenly nothing happened
But in my dreams, I slew the dragon
And down this beaten path, up this cobbled lane
I'm walking in my old footsteps, once again

And you say, just be here now
Forget about the past, your mask is wearing thin
Just let me throw one more dice
I know that I can win
I'm waiting for my real life to begin

Any minute now, my ship is coming in
I'll keep checking the horizon
And I'll check my machine, there's sure to be that call
It's gonna happen soon, soon, oh so very soon
It's just that times are lean

And you say, be still my love
Open up your heart, let the light shine
Don't you understand
I already have a plan
I'm waiting for my real life to begin

On a clear day I can see, see for a long way
On a clear day I can see, see for a long way.

Goodbye my dream, my hope, my love.

Till we meet again, "Captain".


"Bapanya mahukannya jadi seorang nakhoda, 
Bukan cita-citanya, 
Bukan impiannya.

Dia terlalu muda tuk tinggalkan keluarga, 
Bila tiba masanya, 
Pilu mula terasa.

Berkecamuk hati, hatinya sendiri, 
Persoalannya kini, sampai bila mampu ku bertahan, 
Mampukah ku bertahan?

Wowo, 
Nampak ketarakah dilema di wajah ku, 
Wowo, 
Diluarnya tenang tapi tuhan saja tahu.
Wowo, 
Nampak ketarakah dilema di wajah ku, 
Wowo, 
Diluarnya tenang tapi tuhan saja tahu.

Beginikah selalunya cinta, 
Diakhiri sengsara, 
Setelah dicurahkan semua.

Cuba ku dalami, 
Sampai termimpi mimpi, 
Namun apa yang ku jumpa, 
Semuanya sama.

Berkecamuk hati, hatinya sendiri, 
Persoalannya kini, sampai bila mampu ku bertahan, 
Mampukah ku bertahan?

Wowo, 
Nampak ketarakah dilema di wajah ku, 
Wowo, 
Diluarnya tenang tapi tuhan saja tahu.
Wowo, 
Nampak ketarakah dilema di wajah ku, 
Wowo, 
Diluarnya tenang tapi tuhan saja tahu.

Ini semua dugaan Nya"

Dream~

Last night, was the first time I fell asleep so deep that I had a dream after quite some time.
It has been countless nights that I can't sleep. Awake till the next rise of twilight.
More than a month, if I'm not mistaken. Reason being so? Only the people i consider close ones knows.


Last night,
It might have been the body resistance against my sudden refusal to consume the drugs I was prescribed on.
I fell asleep, common for others to sleep,right? But not me...recently.
At first, it was not one of those "Good night, Sleep tight" thing.
The pain really squeezed my brain, eyes felt unusually warm, very hot breath.(I might have burned my pillow). Then, I was awoken by a phone call. After that, resume to catch some sleep.

I finally fell asleep. Lucid dreaming? No.
More like a visit into my pre-constructed Lalaland.
It's funny, when i start dreaming, I always return to a few "familiar" places.
Like a game of Counter Strike, spawning into different fields after a full match.
Ok, enough about that.
I fadely remember the dream. Except for some details.
A deserted wooden house. With a cabin like the ones on the ship.
I saw a figure, staring out the window. A total silence. Dim room, but i can identify those Kina-Grannis-braided-ponytail hairstyle. My heart went storming suicidally. As i take small and slow paces toward her, she turned around, as if she was waiting for me all along. Not a word was spoken or said.
She rushed to me, unlike her egoistic reality, she leaned in and hugged me. Speechless and shocked, I started stroking her braid down to her back softly. Looking so petite and weak in her purple shirt.
She wrapped her hands around my body, below my arms. Showing signs of fragility and defenceless.
I couldn't express my feelings at that moment. A brawl between my total opposite polars. I knew that it was a dream all along...but i didn't want it to end any other ways... i forced myself awake...
Tears. Tears started to roll down the edges of my eyes. My eyes was wide open, it was around 5am. Motionless. I saw my phone's low battery warning light flashing. But, I didn't move an inch. I didn't want to spoil that feeling. I even tried to force myself where i left that "situation". But it never reappears. I guess, it was good that i left it that way. Giving me this...rush...adrenaline rush, thinking of what happened, what might happen next, reasons, might be another vision of mine, anything. It kept my dead spirit going.

The girl in purple.
Your stance looked so humble.
Your gaze looked so empty,
Like you're looking right through me.

Why did you turn around?
I know i didn't make a sound.
Were you really expecting me?
Or just any guys will do, will be?

Questions keep shooting me from every direction,
Deciphering our motion and action.
Whether it is another sign from Him,
But in the end, i realize it's just a dream.

I love how much i hate you.
And,
I hate how much i love you.